Al and Mei 2
(It was Al's first winter since regaining his body. Mei had come back to resembool to spend the holidays with Alphonse. Mei was sitting on the couch while Al was making some hot chocolate in the kitchen.)
Al: I'm glad you came to see me Mei.you didn't have to come all this way.
Mei: I wanted to see you Alphonse. I wanted to see how you were doing. (Mei looks toward the kitchen)
Al: (comes walking out with two mugs of hot cocoa. He hands one mug to Mei) Be careful it's hot. (Alphonse sat down next to Mei) You're so sweet Mei, I'm doing fine. Although it does get cold like today.
Mei: (sips hot chocolate) You couldn't feel cold before could you?
Al: No. I could stand outside and never feel the difference between hot or cold weather.
Mei: (looks out window)Look Alphonse! It's snowing! (Mei put down her drink and ran to the window.) Do you remember playing in the snow Al?
Al: Not since before I lost my body. To be honest, I can't remember what snow feels like.
Mei: Then what are we doing inside, come on Alphonse! (Mei took Al by the hand and pulled him outside.) It's snowing Alphonse! It's so beautiful. (Mei twirled around in the snow before falling backwards into the white sheets making snow angels.)
Al: It's so soft and cold. And you can't hold it too long before it melts. (Alphonse opened his hands as he looked up to the sky)
Mei: (sat up and looked at Alphonse. She took a handful of snow and began to squash it between her hands.) Does the snow hurt Alphonse?
Al: What? (Al turned around to look at Mei as a snowball hit him lightly in the face.) Mei you asked for it! (alphonse laughed as he wiped the snow from his face and reached down for his own bundle of snow to compress.)
(Alphonse and Mei took turns lightly packing snowballs and throwing them at each other playfully. Enjoying each others company as the snow continued to fall that winters day.)
I really like it! They're so amazingly in-character. It's not forced at all, whether it be Mei's playfulness or Al's gentleness. I saw your comment about how this style is most comfortable, and that's understandable, but I'd love to see this fleshed out, so that it reads like a book or something, that'd make it even better. Still, I really like it. It's kinda rare to find something that is in the "script" style, for lack of a better word, that is actually this good. So congratulations!
Thank you so much for the feedback! It means a lot not only that you took the time to read it, but to reply in such a thorough manner. I really appreciate it! Script formatting was pretty much how I started writing fan fictions and I occasionally write monologues and what not, but very rarely do I write long drawn out fan fictions because I just have a lack of time, but I'm so glad that you liked it. XD
Lack of time indeed. T_T Been on break for a week now but not a day to myself, hardly! So much to do.. Finally having some time to draw a bit..
and no problem!
and no problem!
really cute. i've been looking for a fanfic like this for age's. good job.
aww so sweet
awwww so adorable!!
Aw that was really cute~! XD It reads a bit like a script for a play though
Yeah...That's typically my style in writing short stuff because I have trouble writing long things. I'm trying to get out of that style, but I was in a rut and needed to write something so I just went back to what I was most comfortable with.
Yeah it's hard to transfeer to different styles lol. I'm sure you can do it though XD
Yean and I'm currently writing out full narrative commissions for some people so it's hard to write full on stuff, while writing full out stories...it's just time consuming.